Over the years my home has been a bit of a menagerie to many a critter. We’ve had rats in the cavity walls, mice in the kitchen, wasps outside our bathroom, birds in our attic, cats roaming our back yard and foxes on our hedges. Oh and Ants… The fecking ants.
My recent rodent problem was what got me think up this poem and by the way, they really do stink up the place if they die inside the house.
Little Bastard
Came in through a hole the size of its head
Scratching around while I’m in bed
The five inch beast that sounds like a monster
Will it break through the bricks and mortar?
Just nodding off and then the squeak
Wakes me from me precious sleep
It’s giving me night terrors, fuelling my anger
I’ll put holes in my walls with a heavy sledge hammer
To find the little bastard that’s making me crazy
I’ll catch that little fecker and show him no mercy
I can’t cope any more, I’ll bring the house down
That rat’s gonna get it, I’ll be wearing the crown
That’s the first blow and there’s the third
Keep running, I’ll catch you, you little turd
I’m in blind panic, he keeps getting away
I’m so desperate, mayday, MAYDAY
Holly shit, what have I done
My house has gone… little bastard won
