A Jerry Maguire Moment… Why am I Blogging?

Is that what I’m really doing; Blogging or am I just writing hoping for that moment when opportunities door opens for me and invites me in in recognition of being good at what I do.

When I first started this blog, it was an outlet for me to print my work. It’s not the first time I’ve tried having a website but it has been the longest to last and most successful. How though have I measured that success and here in lies my problem.

When I look back at all the projects I’ve started and all the jobs I’ve done I’ve always measured myself on how good I am compared to… ?!

How do I know if it’s good enough?

Over time I’ve read about ‘What is a Blog’ and ‘How to make a blog successful’ all good stuff I’m sure. Unfortunately my past history determines otherwise, growing up in a very insecure frame of mind made worse by a breakdown before hitting middle age.

My mental anguish has just amplified the ghosts of criticisms past in needing to be recognised in the projects I’ve done over the years both professionally and for leisure.

So why am I blogging or maybe what I’m really trying to find out is why am I still blogging or maybe to dissect that even further, why am I bothering writing?

The past several months has seen me take a small break from posting. I began to feel a little over whelmed by the whole process and a little self-obsessed with my work. I started comparing the number of followers I had to those that had more than me while feeling grateful I had more than others. I was becoming jealous of all the indie publishers advertising there new authors, thinking about when will I be that person.

Then there were the bad times when my eyes were opened to the unfortunate side of being out there on the good ole World Wide Web and being victim to it.

It made me uneasy, unhappy, angry and raised some uninvited memories that just shut me down for a little while.

So I did some soul searching to try and consider my next steps and all I could come up with was not to give up on this ‘project’ as I have done so many times before. Besides I do like writing.

Yet since I’ve come back it feels more like a social media network than a place for artists and writers to enjoy what they do. I’ve come back to feelings of having to start over again and having to read others in order to be read, a like for a like.

Just like all those helpful blogs told me in order to make my blog successful.

But does anyone know what success really is and should we care. I should be past caring by now but I’m still the sad bastard who will never understand what it is just to be me enjoying the little things in life instead of living up to my failings while listen to my demons laugh their asses off.

Fuck!!!

16 thoughts on “A Jerry Maguire Moment… Why am I Blogging?

  1. I consider this is a community of people share the same passion of writing (in various degrees). Writing is self expression, creation and our identity. Zero to sqillion likes and followers don’t change the nature of writing.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m with Cassa, I’m finding it to be a community, I read what I want to read, and what the reader allows (if I’m away and miss, much of it goes by) I don’t like to get because some I follow haven’t reciprocated but I still really like their work. But there are those who are like that I know, just don’t remain their follower. Stay with people of integrity. And know this, your work is worth reading.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Ha! Well, my Friend, I have to say I have at times wondered myself at all the things you expressed. My personal belief is you need to be writing because you need to write and it feeds your soul no matter what. For me writing a poem or piece is like giving birth to words. You shouldn’t be judging on what others like or accept. Remember Van Gough! Keep writing. Keep reading. I find more seeds of inspiration in the works of other writers that end up being the spark for something I wrote. I would suggest that maybe you should try writing an Elfchen every day no matter what. It’s a simple little eleven word piece that I use to insure I write every day and to help break writer’s block. Just me!!

    Chuck

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you so much. It is a relief to be among others with similar ‘issues’ to my own. The term writer keeps popping in and out of my head while it try’s to decide on whether I am or just pretending to be. Your advice is very welcoming and appreciated.

    Liked by 1 person

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