Pain

My apologies to Saint Valentine ☹️

Tanka with the Mush

img_0659

 

Give me a reason

Tell me why it’s worth the pain

Clouding my mind’s eye

That medication denies

A chemical oversight

 

Copyright © JRFC February 2019

Image from Pixabay

 

Obsolete

I’m not sure how to present this one to you. I know I’m sounding like another broken record that needs changing. A year on and I’m still therapeutically rambling on about how I feel and how things affect me.

I tell myself not to write this way, prattling on about an illness that, like me, so many other people suffer from in differing degrees. Unfortunately, I say it like I see it, I write it like I feel it and for right now it feels like stuff is changing so quickly, I don’t want to lose my grip on… Stuff.

Then again, maybe I should; just let go.

Oh well, c’est la vie.

Obsolete

Who am I?

Where am I?

Just a wanna be

Trying to be

 

Earning money

From politics

I don’t understand

Or even care about

 

I’ve become a nobody

Moaning and groaning

Too old to try

Too old to care

 

Huh, lost my hair

My dreams now

Histories Jokes

Laughed at and forgotten

 

My future unclear

A genetic fear

My present, not the gift

I hoped to live up to

 

Maybe my time has come

To quit… Again

And let my demons

Take the reigns

 

I’m tired, let them win

And I’ll resign

To whatever outcome

Whatever destination

 

They have prepared for me

Laid before me

Take what has

Become of me

 

The shadow of the person

I wanted to be

Thought I’d be

But turned out you see

 

Obsolete

 

Copyright © JRFC January 2019

Image from Pixabay, modified by JRFC

 

 

One of My Clouded Moments

With a bit of luck I won’t have too many of these moments this year but if it does get out of the cage, as it inevitably will, I can hopefully cope with it better. Published back in July this is:

Broken Mind

Brain

Staring at the letters on the page

What do they mean to me?

All I see is a language unknown

Don’t make a blind bit of difference

To how I feel

Brain freeze: Word Blindness: Numbing Ache

I can’t get a break

From my blank moments

Comatose for hours

Coming around seconds later

Glazed, feeling hung over

Bound to a broken mind

I can’t find an answer

Maybe it’s time to just stop and

Give in.

Copyright © JRFC
Image from Pixabay

Voices in My Head

White noise in my ears

Attempting to drown out

The voices in my head

Taunting and teasing

 

“You suck!”

 

Out of its cage

Depressions grip takes hold

Its talons digging in

To soft matter

 

“Nobody like’s you”

 

Lifting the mania high

And dropping it in to

The barbed nest of dejection

To be swallowed

 

“You can’t do anything right”

 

Is there no release

No cure from this hideous

Invisible entity

That strangles the soul

 

“Don’t bother trying, you’re rubbish”

 

 

Copyright © JRFC November 2018
Image from Pixabay